Dreams last for so long, even after your gone.

Two nights ago.
Crazy dream.
One night ago.
Got it squared away....I think.

Crazy dream:
I only remember bits.
I was in a room that wasn't mine.
It was green.
It had a big window.
It was raining out.
Someone killed someone.
The body was mangled beyond recognition.
I had to clean up the mess.
I jumped out the window.
It gets blurry here.
At some point I ended up backstage at a show.
But not a show, show.
Like...A t.v. show, being filmed or something.
It's gets blurry again here.
Eventually I try to leave.
But I'm stopped by him.
He yells "Wait, wait! You can't leave yet!"
So I stop.
He grabs my hand and kisses it.
I get the sensation like I'm floating or flying.
Like when a plane takes off.
That sense of heaviness and then weightlessness.
"Okay, you can leave now."
Once again it's gets blurry here until I wake up.

Interpretation:
The fact that I was in a room that wasn't mine: At one point I was in a place that was foreign to me, new to me really. Something I hadn't experienced before. I couldn't know something I had yet to understand.
Green: This comes simply from the fact, I think, that I was staring at my walls before I went to bed, thinking about how I wanted to paint them green.
Big window: A void.
Rain: All the tears I shed for him.
Someone was killed: Alright so this is where Caitlin pretty much pieced the rest together for me. She believes the person killed was me.
Mangled beyond recognition: It being me would explain why it was so destroyed, representing the way my heart had felt for some time, unrecognizable and dead.
Jumping out the window: The risk I took.
T.V. show: The way I used to think that sometimes talking to him and being around him felt like straight out of a movie or t.v. show.
"Wait, wait you cant leave yet!": Even though he said it I feel like it comes from my not wanting to let go yet.
Kissing my hand: I've always been curious about the way his lips would feel.
Sensation: How he used to make me feel when I saw him. Always a good feeling.
"Okay, you can leave now.": That's it. Finally, the ending to it all that I've been looking for. My brain's form of closure, trying to give me what I'll never actually get. I know he'll never give me the closure I'm looking for, and I've felt raw and pieced together for some time. It's like my brain is trying to tell me to finally move on. Maybe it's what I need.


I owe Caitlin a million thanks.
Hopefully I finally just be done with it.